If you've never tried homemade eggnog, then you're really missing out. Make your own at home from grandma's favorite recipe or download the countless variations and have an eggnog taste testing party. Make sure you have a couple puke buckets on hand just in case that creepy uncle gets a little over zealous with the nog.

Grandma's Recipes

We've plagiarized some great recipes for you to try your hand at. Or you could always stop over at grandma's house and have her make some for you but double-check that she's not a wee bit wasted first.

Lazy Eggnog Lazy Eggnog

6 eggs
3 cups milk
8 tablespoons sugar
3 teaspoons vanilla
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

In a large bowl, beat the eggs. By turn, add milk and sugar. Continue beating until mixture thickens slightly. Add vanilla and ground nutmeg. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate, at least 3 hours, until chilled.

Serves: 8

Drunken Eggnog Spectacular Drunken Eggnog Spectacular

6 eggs
2 extra egg yolks
4 cups whole milk
3/4 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons of sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1 cup bourbon

Whisk eggs, egg yolks, sugar and salt in a large pan until well blended. Keep whisking while slowly pouring in milk until completely mixed. Set the pan on your stove's burner and turn it to the lowest setting. Continuously whisk for 25-30 minutes or until the mixture reaches 160°F and will coat the underside of a spoon. Remove the mixture from the heat and strain it into a large-sized bowl, making sure to get out any pieces of cooked egg. Stir in bourbon, vanilla and nutmeg. Transfer the mixture to a covered dish. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours before proceeding. Finally, when you're ready to serve your eggnog with alcohol, grab the heavy cream and whip well. Fold into chilled mixture, pour, serve and enjoy.

Serves: 14

Complicated Unnecessary Eggnog Complicated Unnecessary Eggnog

12 eggs, separated
6 cups milk
2 cups heavy/thickened cream
2 cups bourbon
1 and 1/2 cups sugar
3/4 cup brandy
2 teaspoons ground nutmeg

In a large bowl and using a mixer, beat the egg yolks together with the sugar for approximately 10 minutes (the mixture should be firm and the color of butter). Very slowly, just a little at a time, add in the bourbon. Allow the mixture to cool in the fridge (for up to 6 hours, depending on how long before the party). Thirty minutes before guests arrive, stir the milk into the chilled yolk mixture. Stir in 1 and 1/2 teaspoons ground nutmeg. In a separate bowl, beat the cream with a mixer on high speed until the cream forms stiff peaks. In another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. Gently fold the egg white mixture into the egg yolk mixture. Gently fold the cream into the egg mixture. After ladling into cups, garnish with the remaining ground nutmeg.

Serves: 8

On a Diet Eggnog On a Diet Eggnog

6 cups skim milk
1 cup "Egg Beaters" (or similar)
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 teaspoons rum extract
Sweetener or sugar, to taste (remember you're on a diet and sugar packs more calories)
2 pinches ground nutmeg
2 pinches ground cinnamon

In a medium saucepan, heat the milk, Egg Beaters and sweetener or sugar, stirring continuously. Heat and stir until the mixture thickens slightly – enough that it can coat the back of a spoon. Stir in the vanilla, rum extract, one pinch of nutmeg and one pinch of cinnamon. Remove from heat. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until the eggnog has cooled (at least 3 hours). Just prior to serving, ladle your yummy low-fat eggnog into glasses, and garnish each with an extra little sprinkle of nutmeg and cinnamon.

Serves: 6

Obesity Lovers Eggnog Obesity Lover's Eggnog

6 eggs
2 and 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
2 cups whole milk
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brandy
1/2 cup dark rum
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Begin with pre-chilled ingredients. In a medium bowl, beat the eggs until frothy. Add sugar and continue beating. Sprinkle in nutmeg and vanilla. Continue beating. A little at a time, add in the whipping cream, continuing to beat. Beat in the milk, a little at a time. Finally, beat in the rum and brandy. Chill for 1 to 2 hours prior to serving.

Serves: 5

 

Gelia is not responsible for any harmful infections, food-borne illnesses such as salmonella, alcohol poisoning, or the like that could result from using the recipes made available on this site for parody purposes only. We all know eggnog is not fit for human consumption.